Jonty Parkin

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Posts by Jonty Parkin

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  52

  Too Posh To Push

  by Englishman in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  it seems that many uk women are opting to have their babies via a caesarian operation because they don't want to experience the pain of childbirth.. the national health service will only perform caesarians if there is a genuine medical neccessity for doing so.. women such as liz hurley and victoria beckham paid to have their babies via a c section even though it wasn't medically neccessary.

  http://www.manchesteronline.co.uk/news/s/110/110256_doctors_set_to_tackle_too_posh_to_push_women.html.

  i wonder if they will regret it later in life?.

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  Jonty Parkin

  Now is not the time to consider having children! We are standing at the very threshold of the righteous, New World Order, that will shortly, very very soon, any time now, be ushered in by our loving Earthly Organisation and her spiritual ally, the United Nations! Amen and Amen and Amen again for emphasis!

  Now is not the time to concieve and give birth! Now is the time to sell more books and magazines, and do all we can to assist righteously disposed ones to enter the loving Organisation and make generous donations for our worldwide work of printing more books and more magazines. The message must be rehashed and regurgitated as often as possible, so that even more souls can be given the opportunity of everlasting servitude!!

  Remember the golden rule:

  • Do more, more, more!!!
  • Give more, more, more!!!
  • Think less, less, less!!!
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  4

  Why am I around these freaks !!!

  by boy@crossroads in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  well i went to the prince concert this time around with some of my jw "friends".

  there was a whole row of us.

  after one of princes solos, one of my pals (a sister 10 years older than myself) turns to me and says "just think we'll be playing with him in paradise".

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  Jonty Parkin

  Bottom line? How much cash can The Org squeeze out of the twat formerly known as ponce before they finally f*** him off?
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  15

  Uh oh. Is Prince setting an example for witnesses to follow?

  by catchthis in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/ap/20040504/ap_en_ce/music_prince&e=1

  can anyone read between the lines here?

  while prince stresses he holds no bitterness, he clearly does not hold the music industry with much regard.

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  Jonty Parkin

  Bottom line? How much cash can The Org squeeze out of the twat formerly known as ponce before they f*** him off?
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  6

  I Sent An E-mail To My Dub Sister

  by Elmer J. Fudd in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  well, it took me 24 hours to make up my mind after i posted the board for help at this thread:.

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/71193/1.ashx.

  the people who answered my post provided me with the expeineced advice i needed and i thank you all.

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  Jonty Parkin

  Elmer,

  I would just like to congratulate you on a very warm, simple and totally sincere e-mail to your sister. There is not even the slightest hint of anything that could be labelled "confrontational", just honest, down to earth mutual recollections of your mother.

  Please be assured that if your sister does not respond, or if the response is negative, that it is not really your sister as she naturally is; it is the evil, divisive hold that those self-righteous bastards have over her.

  Whatever the outcome, at least you know that you have done the mature and loving thing.

  Best wishes,

  Jonty
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  24

  are you crazy?

  by dh in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  scatter brained or just generally out of it?

  or are you a stable individual?

  do you like to do stupid stuff like post topics about nothing?

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  Jonty Parkin

  To be honest, I can't even recall the last time I used the word "crazy" in the context to which you refer. Does this mean I'm crazy?
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  14

  Were you ever "rewarded" for your faithful service?

  by Jonty Parkin in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  "rewards" for faithful service sometimes used to come in the most unlikely manner.

  to illustrate; the "privillege" of being a young microphone handler occasionally yielded its wholesome dividends of an unexpected nature.

  for example, when i was once on microphone duty as a young aspirant ministerial slave, i was rewarded with an edifying flash of theocratic tit when a sister leant forward to give her comment.

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  Jonty Parkin

  "Tell me this post is a joke, right? If it isn't, then it should be!"

  Hi Golf. You have heard of sarcasm; the "lowest form of humour but the highest form of wit"?

  I think most people could see that I was being heavily sarcastic; taking the piss out of WT etymology and polemic to be precise.

  But in case you are still in any doubt, yes my post was a joke, the intention of which was to demonstrate in a lighthearted fashion what a "joke" the WTS is, and to invite similar humerous anecdotes from other posters.

  Hope that clears things up for you.

  ps, no need to shout - I can read normal size font.

  Jonty ;)
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  21

  SHOULD YOU BELONG TO A CHURCH? - June 1st WT

  by Mary in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  oh god........for those of you who don't have access to all the latest spiritual food

  page 1 "...were the flood survivors simply individuals fortunate enough to have randomly escaped destruction?

  the bible account shows that this was not the case.

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  Jonty Parkin

  Just shows how pathetic the Org is, in continually attempting to validate it's existance in such barrel-scraping rehashes of old bile!
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  7

  Disturbing Childrens Stories Like Rumplestiltskin

  by dh in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  as he was dancing, he sang:

  today i brew, tomorrow i bake,.

  and after that the child i?ll take.. i?m the winner of the game,.

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  Jonty Parkin

  The school where I was doing my teaching practise had a resource bank of less well-known versions of famous fairy tales. There was one version of Red Riding Hood from the 19th Century in which it is clear that the wolf intends, not to eat Red Riding Hood, but to pork her! She outwits the wolf by taking her knickers off, giving them to him to sniff while asking permission to go outside for a dump! While the wolf is busy sniffing her knickers, Red Riding hood escapes into the forest. I'm not making this up, and before anyone asks, no we didn't use that version in class!

  Jonty
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  19

  Worried about work :S

  by Elsewhere in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  to give everyone a brief history.... i started a 4 to 6 month contract to hire position in early feb. the hope is that i will eventually become a permanent employee.

  a few weeks ago i had a little chat with my supervisor asking him how things were looking for me to become a perm employee... he responded that there was currently a hireing freeze that was just put into place and i needed wait.

  he added an ominous comment that i could look for perm work elsewhere if i wanted... but added that i was doing a great job.. today i came into work to find two new *perm* employees setting up in their work areas .

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  Jonty Parkin

  I don't know what the work situ is in your part of the world Elsewhere, but it seems as though your supervisors are not being honest with you.

  While I was doing my teacher training, I had to work part time to make ends meet so I got a temp position in a big telemarketing company (crap job - almost as bad as being a JW!). Now of course, I had no wish to be a permanant employee there, but the cold reality was that you cot paid an extra 2 quid an hour if you were permanent. Therefore, after 6 months, I applied to have my position made pemanent.

  They fed me the same bulshit as that which you have been fed, ie; there's an embargo on recruiting permanent staff.

  But guess what happenned 4 days later? No less than 6 new permanent bums on seats arrived!

  Sounds like time to get out matey!

  Jonty
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  10

  Gum Chewing

  by oscar in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  .

  does anybody know if gum chewing is allowed in the meeetings anymore?

  i think that is also a no,no .

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  Jonty Parkin

  Maybe it's a "conscience" issue. What do the scriptures say?

  "Let he who chooses to chew, chew, and let he who chooses not to chew, not chew; so that whether we chew, or whether we do not chew, we bring praise to our Earthly Organisation, for she is our Mother." Wrigleys 6:9

  On the other hand

  "Though I am permitted by the Law given unto Moses to chew, yet will I not do so; that I may by no means stumble my brother." Gumlations 4:3

  Let us pray to our loving Spiritual Mother, the Earthly Organisation for guidance and clarity, that we may stumble none at the very threshold of the rapidly approaching, soon to be here, any moment now, righteous New World Order, under the loving oversight of The Organisation and The United Nations! Amen and Amen!